How to eliminate CCD, Connection/Commonality Deficit? In the presence of difference, we need to focus on commonality, the greater the difference the more compelling the need for commonality. A few lessons from Nelson Mandela, as described in John Carlin's Playing the Enemy. (1) When in jail, Mandela learned the Afrikaner language so that he could talk to his jailers in their language. (2) Jailer/prisoner is a powerful difference, yet Mandela insisted on acting as equal to his jailers, expecting the same respect as he would give them. (3) When ANC leaders chose to replace the hated Afrikaner national anthem Die Stem (a martial tune celebrating heroic events involving the crushing of black resistance) with Nkosi Sikele (a soulful expression of black people yearning to be free), Mandela disagreed and instead proposed that South Africa should have two national anthems played one after the other at all official ceremonies - Die Stem and Nkosi Sikele. (4) And then there is the radio show in which Mandela is taking calls from listeners. Eddy von Maltitz, a leader of one of the right-wing oppositional groups, is goaded by his followers to call in and unload on Mandela. Which he does for three uninterrupted minutes ending with the threat "This country will be embroiled in a bloodbath if you carry on walking with Communist thugs." How does Mandela respond? He ignores the difference and works to build commonality. "Well, Eddy," he says, "I regard you as a worthy South African and I have no doubt that if we were to sit down and exchange views I will come closer to you and you will come closer to me. Let's talk, Eddie." The response thoroughly discombobulated Eddy; he thanked Mandela and hung up. And this was the beginning of his transformation from confrontation to reconciliation.
Mandela's actions do not seem like "natural" ways of responding to the "other." Which should make us wonder about the virtues of "natural."
Difference in and of itself is not a problem; it only becomes a problem when it is not balanced by connection and commonality.
Recent Comments