Rihanna, Chris, Love and Power

For those who are uninformed about American pop culture, Rihanna and Chris Brown are two young musical superstars - she 21, he 19. Recently Chris apparently severely battered Rihanna. Pictures and commentary have since flooded the internet with positions ranging from "She's nuts not to leave him" (they do appear to be back together) to "It probably was her fault." I'm less caught up in the debate than with a factoid that popped up in one article (sorry I've lost the reference) stating something to the order that it takes the average battered woman five assaults before she leaves the relationship. You have to wonder what's keeping her there, with explanations ranging from economic to emotional dependency.
My current obsession is unraveling the threads of power and love, lately the consciousness associated with each. The consciousness of power centers around difference and separateness. Power consciousness at the personal level is "I", at the territorial level it is "Mine," at the cultural level it is "US," the deep emotional connection with our religious, ethnic, national heritage (see Leading Systems, chapter 17, for more on US consciousness.) By contrast, Love consciousness is about connectedness. At the personal level it is "We," at the territorial it is "Our," and at the cultural level it is about "Oneness."
I suspect that in many battered relationships, we have the clash of power and love; he in his "I" she in her "We." He strikes out of his separateness, competitiveness, jealousy, and territoriality, and she experience that violence in the context of their fundamental connectedness. I am battered but we are still a "We."

Comments

[Charlotte Pell]

You don't have to wonder what is keeping her there. I'm not wondering that. Instead, you can wonder what is keeping his abuse going. Why doesn't he stop? What is making him so violent? How come he is such a successful manipulator? How can we help women get away from men like this?